DEFINITION: To pose a question or request something.

So simple, yet so difficult for women to do this! We women are taught to do for others, not how to ask for help or, goddess forbid, for the things we want. Oh no, that is frowned upon which is total hogwash.

Our dreams are valid no matter what they are and ours to bring to life. We need the support of others because we don't live in a bubble. We cannot - should not - do everything by ourselves.

In this final chapter post, you have 11 pieces of puzzle plus one to now go out and build a big life by one small adventure at a time. This is fantastic news!  Well done!.

The first and foremost question is, are you willing to honor yourself to venture out on your own proverbial epic road trip to live your best life? The answer better be a very loud "yes!".

As you lean into that yes, you can use tools and resources to help you kickstart the answer for the next important question: what dream do I want to reclaim and live into being? One resource that I have used and recommended to others over the years is a book by Carol Lloyd titled, Create a Life Worth Living. It is filled with wisdom, stories, and questions to prime your pump in order to reconnect with your amazing self.

Another exercise I have used several times over the years is to write out a description of the life I want to have ranging from how my creativity is expressed to the types of relationships I seek to my professional goals. I've learned that making my art is paramount to my sanity, so it always comes before my work in this world. I learned this from doing this exercise every few years over the past couple of decades. I've leaned into understanding that I had a few boundaries to honor and then defining what some of those boundaries are in my relationships. My work in the world as an entrepreneur is important but not my number one focus when it comes to living my version of my best life.

There are many tools out there to help you with this. One very robust one is the exercise found in The Success Principles by Jack Canfield, the book I mentioned in my introduction. I encourage you to pour beverage of choice, light a candle, and with one hour of undisturbed peace, do this exercise. You must ask yourself what it is you want before you can ask the Beloved Universe and all of your loving co-conspirators in your life to help you make all of your dreams reality in one version or another. It is through this excavation you tap into the all-important first step of self-awareness that will eventually lead to designing your road map of life.

Living is quite the journey. There are accidents along the way, potholes to navigate, and wide open vistas to lose your heart.  By asking, you ignite the spark of a bonfire of full living. You get to experiment and learn, two things that will always help you grow. So, go ahead and ask. Start with yourself because you are not a passenger but the driver to your destiny. Have fun!

DEFINITION: Express regret for something that one has done wrong.

Please stop. Well, unless you have actually caused harm. Please do apologize in that case.

Not only have we women been trained to not only apologize for breathing, but to do so for others who have harmed other people. We simply must stop doing this. 

I started my own deprogramming about a decade ago and it will be a lifelong effort. It started by reading a book titled, Fearless and Free – How Smart Women Pivot and Relaunch Their Careers by Wendy Sachs. You can listen to an interview I did with Wendy right here. It was in the book I learned about how women can better support one another and later I read a book by Rachel Hollis called Girl, Stop Apologizing. It's so exhausting and unnecessary when we apologize for no reason. We are entitled to pursue our dreams, use our voice, say no, and be our true selves in this world. 

No apologies necessary.

Why the heck would I ever apologize for doing things that fill my soul, speak up for myself, use personal boundaries to protect myself, or being just who I am - so why would you?

It is really a bad habit each of us has taken on as readily as breathing and I challenge each of us to retrain ourselves. Start with simply taking notice when you say I'm sorry. The frequency of doing so will astonish you. Then look at the circumstances of when you say it and get curious about why you think you caused harm that warranted the apology. It is very likely you didn't cause any harm at all. The next step once you are self aware is to disrupt it. After the words leave your mouth and you do a nanosecond of reflection, take it back. Yes, literally, take it back. I've found myself literally pausing in mid-sentence just after saying “sorry” and saying out loud, “I take that back because I didn't cause any harm”. Talk about feeling powerful and it may even have a bonus service of inspiring other women to stop apologizing. I've gone as far as calling out those circumstances of being a recipient of an unnecessary apology by asking the person how she actually harmed me to warrant the apology. It is a fascinating exchange when that happens. Sometimes there is confusion but when that ‘ah ha!’ expression shows up on her face, it is another powerful moment.

Now let's look at the power of legitimate apologies. The irony is that they are often avoided due to fear.  Fear about potential responses to acknowledging the harm caused. shame that we may have possibly hurt another person.  There may be a smidge of arrogance that the other should just get over it already. Perhaps even a lack of awareness of your own behavior. I've dipped a toe in each one of these pools of missteps. I don’t like hurting someone and I don’t like the way I feel when I do. 

We don't learn how to say I'm sorry because of many reasons and our culture doesn't welcome such vulnerability. But let me tell you, a true blue apology goes such a long way for everyone involved. It can deepen a connection with someone and help you walk your talk as a decent, compassionate human being.

I encourage you to lean into this aforementioned experiment to see what you are actually doing when it comes to the act of apologizing.  I like to create some kind of container when I do experiments, so I recommend doing it for 30 days. Keep a journal or some kind of notebook close by to jot down some notes to reflect upon, including your own feelings around your efforts to disrupt the fake apology habit you may be doing. At the end of that month, read through your notes and take inventory of the ‘unapology’ actions. You may very well be blown away by how often you do it. And if you are brave, backtrack those actions in mid-sentence like I do.

You are entitled to be fully who you are and determine how you will be in the world. You will also learn and grow as you explore what that actually is. Apologize for missteps - not the actual steps you are taking to live your best life.

DEFINITION: An association, society, or community of women linked by a common interest, religion, or trade.

I will be leaning into the power of expansive support between women. Admittedly,  it is a tricky topic for me because in my heart, I believe most women are willing to be a cheerleader for other women, to step up and amplify each other's brilliance, but there are many others who are not willing for their own reasons and the internalized patriarchal culture that teaches us women to fear one another. These messages include things like ‘other women can't be trusted when it comes to your man because she's out to get him’ or ‘women must cater to the men in the room because the men are entitled to it and women don't have anything to offer to the discussion’. I could go on and on with a list of examples but I don't want to fan those damaging flames. Instead, I want to reflect on how marvelous it is when we engage and lean on the women in our lives to live out our best lives and how we can reciprocate that support.

A great starting point is to ask a dear lady friend how she's really doing and just listen to what she has to say. Ask her about what brings joy to her life and ask how you can support her to encourage more of that joy to come into her life. Send a ‘thinking of you’ text, note, email or even a phone call - just because. What a lovely way to help someone feel seen, especially if they're struggling. Celebrate her wins and successes directly with her and publicly, if she is comfortable with it. We women learn to avoid celebrating such wins because we learn that bragging is not okay. Why not celebrate an amazing accomplishment when men do it all the time! I think it is pure malarchy to keep silent about such things because not only do we share our essence of greatness out loud for others to bear witness it as a good thing to do, it can also inspire other women to pursue their dreams by hearing about your successes.

I believe in the power of collaboration whether it be socially, professionally, or civically. I don't know about you but to share an experience with others bolsters my motivation to do good in the world. It also provides an opportunity to learn new perspectives. The core message of this topic for me is to entice you, dear reader, to stop doing everything all by yourself and ask for what you need. It's also equally important to set an example for other women that there is nothing to fear about one another unless proven otherwise. Together we can dismantle this untrue frame of reference that we are out to get each other in some way. Instead we can demonstrate a message of solidarity that we each want to help support and bear witness to our individual success. We can start a movement based less on competition and comparison, and more on collaboration.

Each of us is magnificent and a giver at heart. Let's scream that message out to the world by leading the way one relationship at a time. We can leverage our individual power to create bold and transformative collective power to not only change the world but our own individual experience that leads to living our best lives.

Personally, I do rely on my lady friends for many things as I'm a single person and live alone. I recently heard that loneliness is an epidemic especially for older adults and certainly after the pandemic. Perhaps we have lost some of our skills and interest in making friends and cultivating meaningful connections with our neighbors, but it is imperative that we take the initiative to reclaim it.

By supporting one another, cheering each other on, I believe it will elevate a common good, a philosophy to help create a world of loving care for others. So let's start at the beginning, creating our circle of friends and connections with clear intentions of supporting one another.

We simply cannot go at this living thing all on our own for obvious reasons. Imagine having a network of cheerleaders quietly - or loudly- cheering you on as you make the life of your choosing happen in the way you seek. Imagine feeling your own joy of supporting another broad on her way to realize her dreams, too.

As the saying goes, what goes around, comes around. Let’s spread something meaningful, loving, and life-changing: messages of support and celebration for the women we know and cross paths with in our everyday experiences!

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Photo Credit: Joseph Pearson

​DEFINITION: The process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.

Nothing like a learning moment to inspire me or someone's profound words to inspire me to think about a new idea.

I find feelings of inspiration to be the fuel to live a life of small adventures. It's almost like fuel for one as I need a steady flow of it to help me keep moving forward with something. Sometimes, I feel apathetic when I don't feel inspiration and I often look for words of others to catapult me to take my next step. I also want to serve up a nice yummy dish of healthy inspiration - that is why I'm writing a book! Many people have inspired me with their story and my plan is to share those with you in that book.

We all need, value, and want a reason to get out of bed in the morning and inspiration can be the friend to help make that happen. But how to find it and welcome it into your life?

I suggest you first identify your preferred way of receiving information. It could be reading it, listening to it or watching it. When I have found a particular audiobook exceptionally inspiring I often revisit it in written format so I can also absorb key messages and lessons to look at it more deeply.

The library offers thousands and thousands of such resources and thank goodness we have public libraries! In a few cases, I will also eventually purchase the book because the inspiration I receive from it feels eternal. I most likely reread it in the years to come because it never gets old!


I also look for the ‘teachers’ in my community of friends. Other people's wisdom can help me figure out my own stuff and as often is the case, will inspire me to learn more about a topic. For example while having a conversation with my coach, I learned a bit more about how internalized patriarchy informs so many spaces of ideation for the first time. I mean it wasn't the first time I've heard the term but it was a moment of inspiration to learn about a very powerful paradigm in our culture and to see how it is showing up in my life and in relationships.

I've inspired others. For example several women I know had a spark of interest to pursue international travel and it was through my shared stories on my Instagram account that inspired them to book trips abroad.

Inspiration is such a joyful playmate. It is very much tied to motivation but not necessarily so. It serves as a bit of a precursor to taking action but what a powerful elixir it can be for such next steps.

I also look into reading other women's stories via biographies and autobiographies to inspire me. Inspiration can also come through less lofty pursuits. A girl I know who also loves to travel inspired me to invest in my own comfort via business class on my flight. Fortunately I have the resources to do so and what a loving treat I gave myself for a red eye flight abroad. When I see beautiful art, I am inspired to make my own. 

I believe by inspiring others intentionally we can help create a beautiful world for all because people who are happy and are often more kind.

So how do you welcome this new BFF into your life? Daydream. Yup. Take a few moments to just stop moving, stop worrying, stop problem solving and welcome in the energy of make believe. If that muscle has atrophied, look up some prompts on the internet to prime your imagination pump. I lost my ability to daydream when I was in my 40s. I don't think it was a coincidence that the loss coincided with the onset of perimenopause. I wonder if there's any science to back up my quasi theory? In any event what I learned is you can resuscitate it and what fun it is to be in that pretend world. Please note that this isn't a one off and call it good activity. The magic of daydreaming is an ongoing ingredient of a life fully lived. As you pursue it, you will change and with beautiful change comes new ideas. Imagining who you can be can be so much fun, so get dreaming! 

​DEFINITION: The acquisition of knowledge or skills through experience, study, or being taught.

One of the favorite life activities I just adore is learning. I'm a lifelong learner at my core and when I  rally my energy around self-awareness and curiosity, I inevitably learn something in the process.

And although I am a non-degreed professional who is building an amazing life for herself through self-learning and via the wisdom of others, I take no issue with pursuits of formal education. I will add that a college degree will never eclipse the intrinsic benefits of learning ‘on the fly’ through lived experiences. The core to it all is the willingness to learn.

Whether that is to learn how to play the oboe, speak Spanish, or be a better listener, learning is part of this road trip. Each new nugget of knowledge gained through the lessons learned helps better clarify your driving directions so you are more likely going in your right direction.

I suppose it is a lofty goal to be fully actualized humans, so the journey is what it is all about. To take step by step, even when things are uncertain, igniting your curiosity will hopefully motivate you to learn about an idea that may have never come to mind before that moment.

I think the funnest efforts are the most baffling of things to figure out. This doesn't include assembling Ikea furniture - I know that is NOT in my zone of genius - I'm more of a people person. Learning about how I can be the best version of a human in this world really is my jam. I feel compelled to add this disclaimer: becoming the best version of yourself must never be confused with perfection.

Learning includes making mistakes. We simply do not know everything because it isn't humanly possible to do so. You can have fun with those buggers by coming up with another word for them. Words like lessons, experiments, or whoopsie doodles (this one is one of my favorites).

The opportunities are endless and with it comes endless wonder and discovery. I see the moment of discovery as the spark that leads to learning. Discovery and curiosity are definitely copilots on this road trip called Life.

I admit life lessons of the painful kind are my least favorite but with those circumstances that are inevitable once I have put a little distance between my freak out from the event I often pause to lean into learning something about that circumstance. We grow from these experiences. This kind of learning often helps me keep focused when I am traveling on the proverbial unknown roads of life..

I want to spend more time on the concept of love of learning around exploring it through experiences. Don't you just love it when you discover a podcast with topics that resonate with you because it is exactly what you're seeking to learn? The Beloved Universe is fantastic in that way. I love the saying that the teacher arrives when the student is ready and the frequency of such events like that in my life are too numerous to count. What a moment it is when it happens!

There are all kinds of learning: intellectual, academic, book, and emotional intelligence. I find a nice place to start is to ask yourself why do I want to learn about XYZ? This sets the tone of motivation to take the next steps and figuring out the how of it all.

Wisdom is a magical side of learning. It is with a certain element of compassion, certainly, humbling, too. I believe we become wise through a series of lessons and it takes a lifetime to get to that level of knowledge. I also think wisdom is meant to be shared with others, a time for you to serve in the teacher’s role.

I encourage you, dear reader, to embark on a lifelong learning journey. It will definitely embellish your adventures with precious experiences and create opportunities to connect with others in the quest to never stop learning. It is with our desire to learn that we change our lives and most likely, the lives of others.

You may want to structure some learning time to ensure you make the time. Combine it with open-hearted, open-minded moments as you live your moments. Perhaps at the end of the day, write about the lessons of the day in your gratitude journal because writing things down on paper helps us retain things. There is science around living the event, remembering the event, and reflecting on the event that makes it ten times more powerful.

Learning can provide you with joy and possibly, a new trajectory in living your best life! 

RESOURCE LINKS

• Book: 30 Lessons for the Living
• Podcast: Mel Robbins and Dr. Karl Pillemer
• The Ride | Discovery

DEFINITION: The process of finding information, a place, or an object, especially for the first time.

I love discovering things. It fills my heart with so much joy, especially when I take a chance at doing something I’ve never done before. All of a sudden, there is this unplanned moment of discovery and the experience reveals beauty or knowledge that I can carry throughout my day, even my life in some cases..

Going into something with an open heart and open mind to discover new places, people, or ideas can do a soul some good.

I believe the drab of the same ole same ole creates inertia when it comes to our personal growth and with the introduction of new things, it is like a shot of good energy. Personally, it is through such experiences that has helped me create a beautiful life for myself. It shows up, big time, when I travel, whether in another country or just up the way.

Some years ago, I started day tripping, taking a trip to a destination and returning home on the same day, when I lived in Oregon. Oregon is a big state, mind you, so day trips could only be so far away but what discoveries I made in the process! Later, I included my dear friend, Liam, on these adventures and we set a regular intention when we went out on our journey. We would visit the local library and find a dive bar to have lunch at. The latter, we discovered, would offer opportunities to chat with some of the locals and enjoy the best burger in town! On one such adventure, I won $50 in an instant lottery game that paid for our inexpensive lunch and also provided a hefty tip to the bartender. We also checked out architecture and discovered hidden natural treasures along the way.

Although I no longer live in the Pacific Northwest, I continue my day tripping adventures to this day. Living through the pandemic was a challenge on many levels, but to be able to hop in my car to check out new-to-me outdoor beauty helped keep me healthy in so many ways.

This is what I have learned: the thing about discovery is, there is always a sense of awe. Who doesn't like to feel awestruck?! It's awesome! Pun totally intended there.  I've also taken the time to go inward to discover who I have become and rediscovered long-lost dreams that I am now breathing new life into. I rediscovered my love of performing and now enjoy a part-time career as an actor.

Books, podcasts, and even films can be fodder for discovery. When you invest time in becoming self-aware, those moments will offer up a few signposts to get you started. You can map out a road trip of a proverbial kind to go out into the world to see if these hints are indeed leading you on a path of joyful living.

As we discover more about who we are and how others show up in the world, it can also help us determine our boundaries. For example, I've discovered that when someone doesn't do what they promise to do, I have an emotional response to it which has led me to get a bit more curious about it rather than taking it personally. I discovered that when these things happen, it triggers some childhood hurts around my mom's lack of keeping promises with me. 

I've discovered art on a whole different level, whether in my local community or a spectacular museum in another country. Spending time just looking at art has revealed emotions ranging from tear-filled joy to pangs of grief. As a member of this human race, I want to be more aware of my feelings and I discovered these activities have helped me with processing things.

Another cool thing about being open to Discovery is it is a lifelong experience in learning. I know my worldview has become more expansive in comparison to a decade ago and certainly since childhood. For me, being open-minded is a journey that helps me live a full and enriching life. I suspect it would be for you as well, dear reader.

I like doing the work of excavating forgotten dreams that might make heart-filled sense to bring back to life. I also benefit from discovering how lived experiences continue to shape me, shape all of us.

In the book Walking in This World by Julia Cameron, she takes you on the path of self-discovery through sharing her stories and motivating readers through action steps and exercises, one of which is the Artist Date. This is something you do alone for yourself in order to reclaim your inherent creative self. Perhaps you do not have a life that provides time to head out on a weekly adventure such as this, but frequency isn't core to it. If you can only do so, periodically, by all means do it! Following through on your intention to’ fill the well’ as she calls it is always a noble effort to discover more about who you want to be in this world and what your own boundaries are. There are many other resources out there to help you prime the pump of your intention to build your best life and I am sharing a few of my favorites that might be of use.

I also believe that embarking on a journey of discovery also requires courage. Many of us don't like change and new experiences inherently bring that to anything you do. I like to look at it as experimenting. By reframing it that way, it takes the pressure off for an expected successful outcome.

Discovery is a journey onto itself. As you take the first step, in  many cases, you will likely be presented with a few options for that second, third, and many other steps on your personal journey of self-discovery. And, keep in mind that discoveries of an external sort certainly will inform the internal side of things.  Even if such efforts feel like so-called failures, you have learned something that can propel you to the next step in your exploration. .

I believe that once you lean into becoming aware of things you can then take the courageous first step to discover more about it. Also remind yourself to be compassionate with yourself if it turns out to be a big old nothing. Keep in mind that those darn limiting beliefs we carry around with us might prevent you from ever taking the first step but by leaning into them, you can open up a whole new world for yourself. 

Let the discovery antics begin!


RESOURCE LINKS

• Daytripping with Denny K
• Walking in this World
• The Ride | Limiting Beliefs

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DEFINITION: The feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.

Ah, compassion. This is a challenging one because it is often buried, long forgotten, and under layers of stressful living.

When I think about this topic in the context of self-reflection, I am focusing on self-compassion which is not self-pity - no ‘woe is me’ for this broad!

As an overachieving, ambitious gal with, what I believe to be undiagnosed ADHD, I label myself as a multi-passionate creative, I drop a few balls and miss a few turns along the way and when I do, I can be my own worst enemy. I sometimes berate myself for messing up, not following through, breaking a promise, etc. But here's the thing, Dear Reader, we are human beings and one of our main jobs on this earthly adventure is to learn lesson after freaking lesson. This helps us grow.

Hey,  I don't like messing up and I suspect you will join me in that feeling, but it really is through our mess-ups we are given the biggest of life gifts. For example, I've messed up as a parent. I suspect way more often than I can count but what I have learned later in life is by first forgiving myself of all those missteps and then apologizing to my daughter. With practicing self-compassion, I often receive external compassion from her when I do make those apologies. Oh, the feelings! A true companion to compassion is forgiveness. I believe that you require it as the first step in the compassion journey.

Not too long ago, I started evaluating my ability to show compassion for others' pain and missteps. Admittedly, it has been a challenge as I navigate real feelings of judgment rooted in some painful spots inside of me. As I start with my own dang self, forgiving my own major mess ups, I have discovered that I now have more space in my heart to show grace for other people’s mistakes, whether as I perceive them or if they are indeed mistakes on their part.

It's funny how that happens. not in a laughy way but kind of an ironic way. I feel like the analogy of putting the oxygen mask on your face first is a good one that ties into this Insight that I'm sharing with you. As we start with our own darn selves, we build skills to do it for others and it makes total sense as I think more about it.

I recall a friend who borrowed someone's car and instead of putting diesel fuel in the tank, put unleaded fuel in the vehicle. In case you were not aware, that does not work out so well for the car. My friend was publicly embarrassed by the owner by causing damage to the vehicle. Because the exchange happened in a public space, I and others couldn't help but hear and feel the pain in the exchange. I simply put a hand on my friend's shoulder as I passed by in an act of compassion for his circumstances. The look on his face and in his eyes as I did it has forever stayed with me. It was though we both carried the pain in that moment, together, in that instance. I may very well have relieved him of the weight of shame on his heart. My friend never forgot it when years later he shared the same memory with me. Compassion does that. It stays with you for a lifetime.

Sometimes, leaning into inviting compassion can be a difficult task but it is also a step towards healing. When I feel unseen, that is a major trigger for me. My main go-to is anger and dismissal of the so-called offender from my life but time and time again, I am reminded of how much I do not know about the circumstances to warrant such a foolish cancellation. These days, I take a more compassionate approach by first using the RAIN approach that I mentioned in a previous chapter. I am also exploring a concept that I just learned about: counter responses. This approach is to look at other possible options in a situation instead of joining to the worst conclusion. This disrupts my usual process of jumping to immediate conclusions as a pessimist by simply asking and then telling myself, “You do not have the full story, Dennise. What else might be a possibility?.” This reads way easier on the page than in practice, but practice it must take. It can be a game changer!

I don't kid myself into thinking I can be compassionate about traumatic experiences but baby steps are helping me. I added this topic to the book because self-compassion will be key on your road trip to living your best life. You will make the wrong turn and you will pick the wrong destination at times, and this is a-okay, Dear Reader. It is a necessary part of the journey. It will be through those boo-boos that you will learn what not to do which means you are getting closer to what you want to do.

This journey will also bring up some memories of bad choices. This is not something that can be a redo, I'm afraid, but you can forgive and release it. So simple but not so easy. Since I love me a good ritual, I will use such things as a year-end cleansing ritual of writing it on a page and then tossing it in a fire. I also use my daily morning pages that I mentioned in an earlier chapter to help acknowledge and release it as well. Once I see it, I can feel it, learn from it, and then let it go.

Please also keep in mind that with any practice, repeating it over and over again is necessary because you are creating a new habit. One great resource for this is the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. As you move along, I encourage you to create your own mantra to remind you to feel compassion for your inevitable mistakes you will be making. Sometimes certain mistakes can remind you of your favorite times and often can be excellent fodder for storytelling, yet another way I process experiences.
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You may also want to recruit a near and dear trustworthy person in your life to help you practice building your compassion muscle. I believe our world could benefit from a global movement to reclaim compassion for ourselves and each other. Imagine the freedom all of us could experience when released from the burden of shame and loss of long ago. What a world it would be.
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RESOURCE LINKS
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Book - Atomic Habits by James Clear

DEFINITION: The quality of being ready and willing to face situations despite being afraid.

When I looked up the definition of this chapter's topic on courage, I wasn't totally 'feeling it' with regards to one reference of it being a response to a negative situation, so I removed that.   I do agree that dealing with something that scares you is what courage is all about. Of course, for the purpose of our time together here on the post, I will refer to the smaller in scale kind of scary and for the big ones, I recommend you work with a therapist to lean into those for healing.

The Little Scaries are somewhat like the “Oh I sure do want to be a lead singer in a band but I'm too scared to try it” kind of scenario. It might also venture closer to a big one like leaving a job or partner,  which are hefty endeavors with way more consequences but require courage nonetheless.

In my 40s, I first learned about the term 'learned helplessness' during a relationship. It was something I carried with me since childhood but didn't have the vocabulary until later in life. It is defined as a mental state where someone believes they are unable to change or control a situation, even when they have the opportunity to do so, and so they don't try. Martin Seligman, an American psychologist, developed the concept in the 1960s and 1970s. You can read more in his book, Learned Optimism and I highly encourage you to do so. It is a fascinating topic!

In my case, it was my then boyfriend who revealed his own struggle with not taking steps to deal with unpleasant things that stopped me in my own tracks. As I leaned into by becoming more self-aware about how this showed up in my life, it became abundantly clear that it was present in two areas of my life: money and health.

For example, visiting the doctor or dentist was something I avoided most of the time even when I wasn't feeling well. In those circumstances of acute discomfort, I would force myself to seek care but often added to my stress by not preparing in advance with an established relationship with a primary care physician so I was needing to make call after call to find the care I so desperately needed. I don't recommend this approach, by the way.

Admittedly, I haven't fully identified how I learned this ‘put your head in the sand’ approach to healthcare until this moment as I was writing these insights. I have memories as a child of not having care when I so desperately needed it. My mother had me hobble on a broken leg for weeks after falling from a tree and it wasn't until ladies at a hair salon pointed out that the pronounced black, green, and purple skin color was of great concern. A similar thing occurred when I had repeated episodes of inflamed tonsils. My mother would not pursue medical care for me until she was forced to.

I was quite young when these experiences happened so I was quite helpless since I was just a child. My guess is those lack of care experiences left the lasting impression that you don't seek medical attention unless it is really a bad situation. Wow. I just had a major breakthrough moment! 

When I reflect on the money side of things, the immediate thing that comes to mind is growing up in poverty. At times during my childhood, our homes didn't have reliable electricity or telephone service (this was before cell phones) and in some cases we didn't even have doors on our bedrooms. We often had iffy plumbing. Combined with my grandparent’s desires to only save and never spend, my guess is that my behavior of not being any kind of a saver in my young adult years and fear of ending up on the streets were a double whammy of The Scaries of the big kind, so whenever it came to talk a finances of any kind, there's no doubt of understanding why I avoided it at all costs.

Here's good news, Dear Reader: you can unlearn it. I've been working on my own stuff since that day learning about it and with that awareness I leverage to learn more and experiment with ways to change it.

It takes courage to be willing to recognize it and then take steps to change. I read so many different books over the years to help me and I continue to do so. Just recently, I started listening to an audiobook The Mountain is You by Brianna Weist and have been reminded how important it is to keep the learnings front and center still to this day.

My intention is not to fix my broken bits but rather be courageous with healing them because I know with care I can be healthier. When I'm healthier, I can be even more brave by taking bigger risks that help me live a big life, which is important to me.

Living is not easy 100% of the time and it is through the challenges we learn how to be resilient. Each one of those experiences helps us build our courage muscles. I have found baby steps work well for me as I venture into a new experiment.

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained’ as the old expression goes. To grow, venture we must Into the unfamiliar and with each attempt we expand even more. Consider something like public speaking when 99.9% of us are terrified of it. However, the more you do it the easier it gets and the less fearful you are when you do it.

I don't dare suggest we avoid familiarity at all costs, only when it prevents us from growing but one of the surefire ways to be more courageous is to practice and practice frequently, so whatever “it” is becomes more familiar.

Believe me, this is a big ask to be more courageous and the payoff is huge! I started a career as an actor in my mid-50s. I moved to a state, sight unseen, and created an amazing life here in New England. It took a little bit of courage each step of the way.

I gained a marvelous life by venturing into the unknown. Some efforts bombed and others created amazing adventures. So go out and have some fun and be brave while you're at it!