​DEFINITION: The process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.

Nothing like a learning moment to inspire me or someone's profound words to inspire me to think about a new idea.

I find feelings of inspiration to be the fuel to live a life of small adventures. It's almost like fuel for one as I need a steady flow of it to help me keep moving forward with something. Sometimes, I feel apathetic when I don't feel inspiration and I often look for words of others to catapult me to take my next step. I also want to serve up a nice yummy dish of healthy inspiration - that is why I'm writing a book! Many people have inspired me with their story and my plan is to share those with you in that book.

We all need, value, and want a reason to get out of bed in the morning and inspiration can be the friend to help make that happen. But how to find it and welcome it into your life?

I suggest you first identify your preferred way of receiving information. It could be reading it, listening to it or watching it. When I have found a particular audiobook exceptionally inspiring I often revisit it in written format so I can also absorb key messages and lessons to look at it more deeply.

The library offers thousands and thousands of such resources and thank goodness we have public libraries! In a few cases, I will also eventually purchase the book because the inspiration I receive from it feels eternal. I most likely reread it in the years to come because it never gets old!


I also look for the ‘teachers’ in my community of friends. Other people's wisdom can help me figure out my own stuff and as often is the case, will inspire me to learn more about a topic. For example while having a conversation with my coach, I learned a bit more about how internalized patriarchy informs so many spaces of ideation for the first time. I mean it wasn't the first time I've heard the term but it was a moment of inspiration to learn about a very powerful paradigm in our culture and to see how it is showing up in my life and in relationships.

I've inspired others. For example several women I know had a spark of interest to pursue international travel and it was through my shared stories on my Instagram account that inspired them to book trips abroad.

Inspiration is such a joyful playmate. It is very much tied to motivation but not necessarily so. It serves as a bit of a precursor to taking action but what a powerful elixir it can be for such next steps.

I also look into reading other women's stories via biographies and autobiographies to inspire me. Inspiration can also come through less lofty pursuits. A girl I know who also loves to travel inspired me to invest in my own comfort via business class on my flight. Fortunately I have the resources to do so and what a loving treat I gave myself for a red eye flight abroad. When I see beautiful art, I am inspired to make my own. 

I believe by inspiring others intentionally we can help create a beautiful world for all because people who are happy and are often more kind.

So how do you welcome this new BFF into your life? Daydream. Yup. Take a few moments to just stop moving, stop worrying, stop problem solving and welcome in the energy of make believe. If that muscle has atrophied, look up some prompts on the internet to prime your imagination pump. I lost my ability to daydream when I was in my 40s. I don't think it was a coincidence that the loss coincided with the onset of perimenopause. I wonder if there's any science to back up my quasi theory? In any event what I learned is you can resuscitate it and what fun it is to be in that pretend world. Please note that this isn't a one off and call it good activity. The magic of daydreaming is an ongoing ingredient of a life fully lived. As you pursue it, you will change and with beautiful change comes new ideas. Imagining who you can be can be so much fun, so get dreaming! 

​DEFINITION: The acquisition of knowledge or skills through experience, study, or being taught.

One of the favorite life activities I just adore is learning. I'm a lifelong learner at my core and when I  rally my energy around self-awareness and curiosity, I inevitably learn something in the process.

And although I am a non-degreed professional who is building an amazing life for herself through self-learning and via the wisdom of others, I take no issue with pursuits of formal education. I will add that a college degree will never eclipse the intrinsic benefits of learning ‘on the fly’ through lived experiences. The core to it all is the willingness to learn.

Whether that is to learn how to play the oboe, speak Spanish, or be a better listener, learning is part of this road trip. Each new nugget of knowledge gained through the lessons learned helps better clarify your driving directions so you are more likely going in your right direction.

I suppose it is a lofty goal to be fully actualized humans, so the journey is what it is all about. To take step by step, even when things are uncertain, igniting your curiosity will hopefully motivate you to learn about an idea that may have never come to mind before that moment.

I think the funnest efforts are the most baffling of things to figure out. This doesn't include assembling Ikea furniture - I know that is NOT in my zone of genius - I'm more of a people person. Learning about how I can be the best version of a human in this world really is my jam. I feel compelled to add this disclaimer: becoming the best version of yourself must never be confused with perfection.

Learning includes making mistakes. We simply do not know everything because it isn't humanly possible to do so. You can have fun with those buggers by coming up with another word for them. Words like lessons, experiments, or whoopsie doodles (this one is one of my favorites).

The opportunities are endless and with it comes endless wonder and discovery. I see the moment of discovery as the spark that leads to learning. Discovery and curiosity are definitely copilots on this road trip called Life.

I admit life lessons of the painful kind are my least favorite but with those circumstances that are inevitable once I have put a little distance between my freak out from the event I often pause to lean into learning something about that circumstance. We grow from these experiences. This kind of learning often helps me keep focused when I am traveling on the proverbial unknown roads of life..

I want to spend more time on the concept of love of learning around exploring it through experiences. Don't you just love it when you discover a podcast with topics that resonate with you because it is exactly what you're seeking to learn? The Beloved Universe is fantastic in that way. I love the saying that the teacher arrives when the student is ready and the frequency of such events like that in my life are too numerous to count. What a moment it is when it happens!

There are all kinds of learning: intellectual, academic, book, and emotional intelligence. I find a nice place to start is to ask yourself why do I want to learn about XYZ? This sets the tone of motivation to take the next steps and figuring out the how of it all.

Wisdom is a magical side of learning. It is with a certain element of compassion, certainly, humbling, too. I believe we become wise through a series of lessons and it takes a lifetime to get to that level of knowledge. I also think wisdom is meant to be shared with others, a time for you to serve in the teacher’s role.

I encourage you, dear reader, to embark on a lifelong learning journey. It will definitely embellish your adventures with precious experiences and create opportunities to connect with others in the quest to never stop learning. It is with our desire to learn that we change our lives and most likely, the lives of others.

You may want to structure some learning time to ensure you make the time. Combine it with open-hearted, open-minded moments as you live your moments. Perhaps at the end of the day, write about the lessons of the day in your gratitude journal because writing things down on paper helps us retain things. There is science around living the event, remembering the event, and reflecting on the event that makes it ten times more powerful.

Learning can provide you with joy and possibly, a new trajectory in living your best life! 

RESOURCE LINKS

• Book: 30 Lessons for the Living
• Podcast: Mel Robbins and Dr. Karl Pillemer
• The Ride | Discovery

DEFINITION: The process of finding information, a place, or an object, especially for the first time.

I love discovering things. It fills my heart with so much joy, especially when I take a chance at doing something I’ve never done before. All of a sudden, there is this unplanned moment of discovery and the experience reveals beauty or knowledge that I can carry throughout my day, even my life in some cases..

Going into something with an open heart and open mind to discover new places, people, or ideas can do a soul some good.

I believe the drab of the same ole same ole creates inertia when it comes to our personal growth and with the introduction of new things, it is like a shot of good energy. Personally, it is through such experiences that has helped me create a beautiful life for myself. It shows up, big time, when I travel, whether in another country or just up the way.

Some years ago, I started day tripping, taking a trip to a destination and returning home on the same day, when I lived in Oregon. Oregon is a big state, mind you, so day trips could only be so far away but what discoveries I made in the process! Later, I included my dear friend, Liam, on these adventures and we set a regular intention when we went out on our journey. We would visit the local library and find a dive bar to have lunch at. The latter, we discovered, would offer opportunities to chat with some of the locals and enjoy the best burger in town! On one such adventure, I won $50 in an instant lottery game that paid for our inexpensive lunch and also provided a hefty tip to the bartender. We also checked out architecture and discovered hidden natural treasures along the way.

Although I no longer live in the Pacific Northwest, I continue my day tripping adventures to this day. Living through the pandemic was a challenge on many levels, but to be able to hop in my car to check out new-to-me outdoor beauty helped keep me healthy in so many ways.

This is what I have learned: the thing about discovery is, there is always a sense of awe. Who doesn't like to feel awestruck?! It's awesome! Pun totally intended there.  I've also taken the time to go inward to discover who I have become and rediscovered long-lost dreams that I am now breathing new life into. I rediscovered my love of performing and now enjoy a part-time career as an actor.

Books, podcasts, and even films can be fodder for discovery. When you invest time in becoming self-aware, those moments will offer up a few signposts to get you started. You can map out a road trip of a proverbial kind to go out into the world to see if these hints are indeed leading you on a path of joyful living.

As we discover more about who we are and how others show up in the world, it can also help us determine our boundaries. For example, I've discovered that when someone doesn't do what they promise to do, I have an emotional response to it which has led me to get a bit more curious about it rather than taking it personally. I discovered that when these things happen, it triggers some childhood hurts around my mom's lack of keeping promises with me. 

I've discovered art on a whole different level, whether in my local community or a spectacular museum in another country. Spending time just looking at art has revealed emotions ranging from tear-filled joy to pangs of grief. As a member of this human race, I want to be more aware of my feelings and I discovered these activities have helped me with processing things.

Another cool thing about being open to Discovery is it is a lifelong experience in learning. I know my worldview has become more expansive in comparison to a decade ago and certainly since childhood. For me, being open-minded is a journey that helps me live a full and enriching life. I suspect it would be for you as well, dear reader.

I like doing the work of excavating forgotten dreams that might make heart-filled sense to bring back to life. I also benefit from discovering how lived experiences continue to shape me, shape all of us.

In the book Walking in This World by Julia Cameron, she takes you on the path of self-discovery through sharing her stories and motivating readers through action steps and exercises, one of which is the Artist Date. This is something you do alone for yourself in order to reclaim your inherent creative self. Perhaps you do not have a life that provides time to head out on a weekly adventure such as this, but frequency isn't core to it. If you can only do so, periodically, by all means do it! Following through on your intention to’ fill the well’ as she calls it is always a noble effort to discover more about who you want to be in this world and what your own boundaries are. There are many other resources out there to help you prime the pump of your intention to build your best life and I am sharing a few of my favorites that might be of use.

I also believe that embarking on a journey of discovery also requires courage. Many of us don't like change and new experiences inherently bring that to anything you do. I like to look at it as experimenting. By reframing it that way, it takes the pressure off for an expected successful outcome.

Discovery is a journey onto itself. As you take the first step, in  many cases, you will likely be presented with a few options for that second, third, and many other steps on your personal journey of self-discovery. And, keep in mind that discoveries of an external sort certainly will inform the internal side of things.  Even if such efforts feel like so-called failures, you have learned something that can propel you to the next step in your exploration. .

I believe that once you lean into becoming aware of things you can then take the courageous first step to discover more about it. Also remind yourself to be compassionate with yourself if it turns out to be a big old nothing. Keep in mind that those darn limiting beliefs we carry around with us might prevent you from ever taking the first step but by leaning into them, you can open up a whole new world for yourself. 

Let the discovery antics begin!


RESOURCE LINKS

• Daytripping with Denny K
• Walking in this World
• The Ride | Limiting Beliefs

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DEFINITION: The feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.

Ah, compassion. This is a challenging one because it is often buried, long forgotten, and under layers of stressful living.

When I think about this topic in the context of self-reflection, I am focusing on self-compassion which is not self-pity - no ‘woe is me’ for this broad!

As an overachieving, ambitious gal with, what I believe to be undiagnosed ADHD, I label myself as a multi-passionate creative, I drop a few balls and miss a few turns along the way and when I do, I can be my own worst enemy. I sometimes berate myself for messing up, not following through, breaking a promise, etc. But here's the thing, Dear Reader, we are human beings and one of our main jobs on this earthly adventure is to learn lesson after freaking lesson. This helps us grow.

Hey,  I don't like messing up and I suspect you will join me in that feeling, but it really is through our mess-ups we are given the biggest of life gifts. For example, I've messed up as a parent. I suspect way more often than I can count but what I have learned later in life is by first forgiving myself of all those missteps and then apologizing to my daughter. With practicing self-compassion, I often receive external compassion from her when I do make those apologies. Oh, the feelings! A true companion to compassion is forgiveness. I believe that you require it as the first step in the compassion journey.

Not too long ago, I started evaluating my ability to show compassion for others' pain and missteps. Admittedly, it has been a challenge as I navigate real feelings of judgment rooted in some painful spots inside of me. As I start with my own dang self, forgiving my own major mess ups, I have discovered that I now have more space in my heart to show grace for other people’s mistakes, whether as I perceive them or if they are indeed mistakes on their part.

It's funny how that happens. not in a laughy way but kind of an ironic way. I feel like the analogy of putting the oxygen mask on your face first is a good one that ties into this Insight that I'm sharing with you. As we start with our own darn selves, we build skills to do it for others and it makes total sense as I think more about it.

I recall a friend who borrowed someone's car and instead of putting diesel fuel in the tank, put unleaded fuel in the vehicle. In case you were not aware, that does not work out so well for the car. My friend was publicly embarrassed by the owner by causing damage to the vehicle. Because the exchange happened in a public space, I and others couldn't help but hear and feel the pain in the exchange. I simply put a hand on my friend's shoulder as I passed by in an act of compassion for his circumstances. The look on his face and in his eyes as I did it has forever stayed with me. It was though we both carried the pain in that moment, together, in that instance. I may very well have relieved him of the weight of shame on his heart. My friend never forgot it when years later he shared the same memory with me. Compassion does that. It stays with you for a lifetime.

Sometimes, leaning into inviting compassion can be a difficult task but it is also a step towards healing. When I feel unseen, that is a major trigger for me. My main go-to is anger and dismissal of the so-called offender from my life but time and time again, I am reminded of how much I do not know about the circumstances to warrant such a foolish cancellation. These days, I take a more compassionate approach by first using the RAIN approach that I mentioned in a previous chapter. I am also exploring a concept that I just learned about: counter responses. This approach is to look at other possible options in a situation instead of joining to the worst conclusion. This disrupts my usual process of jumping to immediate conclusions as a pessimist by simply asking and then telling myself, “You do not have the full story, Dennise. What else might be a possibility?.” This reads way easier on the page than in practice, but practice it must take. It can be a game changer!

I don't kid myself into thinking I can be compassionate about traumatic experiences but baby steps are helping me. I added this topic to the book because self-compassion will be key on your road trip to living your best life. You will make the wrong turn and you will pick the wrong destination at times, and this is a-okay, Dear Reader. It is a necessary part of the journey. It will be through those boo-boos that you will learn what not to do which means you are getting closer to what you want to do.

This journey will also bring up some memories of bad choices. This is not something that can be a redo, I'm afraid, but you can forgive and release it. So simple but not so easy. Since I love me a good ritual, I will use such things as a year-end cleansing ritual of writing it on a page and then tossing it in a fire. I also use my daily morning pages that I mentioned in an earlier chapter to help acknowledge and release it as well. Once I see it, I can feel it, learn from it, and then let it go.

Please also keep in mind that with any practice, repeating it over and over again is necessary because you are creating a new habit. One great resource for this is the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. As you move along, I encourage you to create your own mantra to remind you to feel compassion for your inevitable mistakes you will be making. Sometimes certain mistakes can remind you of your favorite times and often can be excellent fodder for storytelling, yet another way I process experiences.
​
You may also want to recruit a near and dear trustworthy person in your life to help you practice building your compassion muscle. I believe our world could benefit from a global movement to reclaim compassion for ourselves and each other. Imagine the freedom all of us could experience when released from the burden of shame and loss of long ago. What a world it would be.
​
RESOURCE LINKS
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Book - Atomic Habits by James Clear

DEFINITION: The quality of being ready and willing to face situations despite being afraid.

When I looked up the definition of this chapter's topic on courage, I wasn't totally 'feeling it' with regards to one reference of it being a response to a negative situation, so I removed that.   I do agree that dealing with something that scares you is what courage is all about. Of course, for the purpose of our time together here on the post, I will refer to the smaller in scale kind of scary and for the big ones, I recommend you work with a therapist to lean into those for healing.

The Little Scaries are somewhat like the “Oh I sure do want to be a lead singer in a band but I'm too scared to try it” kind of scenario. It might also venture closer to a big one like leaving a job or partner,  which are hefty endeavors with way more consequences but require courage nonetheless.

In my 40s, I first learned about the term 'learned helplessness' during a relationship. It was something I carried with me since childhood but didn't have the vocabulary until later in life. It is defined as a mental state where someone believes they are unable to change or control a situation, even when they have the opportunity to do so, and so they don't try. Martin Seligman, an American psychologist, developed the concept in the 1960s and 1970s. You can read more in his book, Learned Optimism and I highly encourage you to do so. It is a fascinating topic!

In my case, it was my then boyfriend who revealed his own struggle with not taking steps to deal with unpleasant things that stopped me in my own tracks. As I leaned into by becoming more self-aware about how this showed up in my life, it became abundantly clear that it was present in two areas of my life: money and health.

For example, visiting the doctor or dentist was something I avoided most of the time even when I wasn't feeling well. In those circumstances of acute discomfort, I would force myself to seek care but often added to my stress by not preparing in advance with an established relationship with a primary care physician so I was needing to make call after call to find the care I so desperately needed. I don't recommend this approach, by the way.

Admittedly, I haven't fully identified how I learned this ‘put your head in the sand’ approach to healthcare until this moment as I was writing these insights. I have memories as a child of not having care when I so desperately needed it. My mother had me hobble on a broken leg for weeks after falling from a tree and it wasn't until ladies at a hair salon pointed out that the pronounced black, green, and purple skin color was of great concern. A similar thing occurred when I had repeated episodes of inflamed tonsils. My mother would not pursue medical care for me until she was forced to.

I was quite young when these experiences happened so I was quite helpless since I was just a child. My guess is those lack of care experiences left the lasting impression that you don't seek medical attention unless it is really a bad situation. Wow. I just had a major breakthrough moment! 

When I reflect on the money side of things, the immediate thing that comes to mind is growing up in poverty. At times during my childhood, our homes didn't have reliable electricity or telephone service (this was before cell phones) and in some cases we didn't even have doors on our bedrooms. We often had iffy plumbing. Combined with my grandparent’s desires to only save and never spend, my guess is that my behavior of not being any kind of a saver in my young adult years and fear of ending up on the streets were a double whammy of The Scaries of the big kind, so whenever it came to talk a finances of any kind, there's no doubt of understanding why I avoided it at all costs.

Here's good news, Dear Reader: you can unlearn it. I've been working on my own stuff since that day learning about it and with that awareness I leverage to learn more and experiment with ways to change it.

It takes courage to be willing to recognize it and then take steps to change. I read so many different books over the years to help me and I continue to do so. Just recently, I started listening to an audiobook The Mountain is You by Brianna Weist and have been reminded how important it is to keep the learnings front and center still to this day.

My intention is not to fix my broken bits but rather be courageous with healing them because I know with care I can be healthier. When I'm healthier, I can be even more brave by taking bigger risks that help me live a big life, which is important to me.

Living is not easy 100% of the time and it is through the challenges we learn how to be resilient. Each one of those experiences helps us build our courage muscles. I have found baby steps work well for me as I venture into a new experiment.

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained’ as the old expression goes. To grow, venture we must Into the unfamiliar and with each attempt we expand even more. Consider something like public speaking when 99.9% of us are terrified of it. However, the more you do it the easier it gets and the less fearful you are when you do it.

I don't dare suggest we avoid familiarity at all costs, only when it prevents us from growing but one of the surefire ways to be more courageous is to practice and practice frequently, so whatever “it” is becomes more familiar.

Believe me, this is a big ask to be more courageous and the payoff is huge! I started a career as an actor in my mid-50s. I moved to a state, sight unseen, and created an amazing life here in New England. It took a little bit of courage each step of the way.

I gained a marvelous life by venturing into the unknown. Some efforts bombed and others created amazing adventures. So go out and have some fun and be brave while you're at it!

DEFINITION: Negative thoughts or assumptions that prevent people from growing and moving forward in their lives.

The next step in this journey is identifying ideas that are holding you back known as limiting beliefs. These nasty potholes must be patched up if you have any intention of reclaiming your dreams and wish to get to any kind of destination relating to those dreams that have been paved over or long forgotten.

LBs in short, are Insidious because you might not even take notice that they are quietly guiding you to avoid anything good in your life.

We learn these, mostly, during our tender years of childhood. Perhaps a well-meaning adult we looked up to said something to us through an unseen, unknown lens of internalized patriarchy which conveyed a message that because you were being raised as a girl, you're not allowed to do such things as climb mountains. Of course, that is total hogwash.

These messages are often veiled in earnest attempts to “keep you safe” but often come from the messenger’s own sore spot of fear. Sometimes, these messengers are not behaving with the best of intentions as well. I call them snipers. These folks are holding on to a great deal of pain and anger that remains unresolved for them, so in order to release the pressure of it, they will point it at an unknowing target. In the worst of these cases, this can be abuse, and if that is the case for you, please work with a therapist to help you understand and release those repressive experiences.

In my own case, my LBs were created by both types of adults. My grandparents held well meaning intentions to protect me from the whims of a parent living with untreated mental illness. They also likely carried generational pain from surviving the Great Depression. While they leaned into caring and protecting their own children during those days, there is some current day evidence that they did not fully heal from those days that were, no doubt, very traumatic for them. A case in point: they had an overstocked area in the basement of canned and paper goods in the event there was some other catastrophe and we needed beans or toilet paper to survive. 

I suspect that my unique way of living and sharing of great ideas and adventures with them were likely scary concepts to even contemplate, let alone support. Their protective efforts squandered some of my courage and daydreaming as a child. I recall an exchange with one of them in my young adult years as I explored possibly going to college that was quickly dismissed as something that “might not be for someone like me” due to my life circumstances. I've carried that message with me for four decades!

On the other side of LB Avenue, was my mother. My best guess leads me to believe that she struggled with several mental health issues. 

A mega LB she “gifted me” was the lesson on distrust. Our parents are the first humans we learn to count on and learn about trusting others, and when that is breached in traumatic ways it takes some effort to repair that damage. 

For example, during my high school years, my mother “stole”  several love interests from me. Yes, this is a horrific and traumatic experience for a teenage daughter to lose a boyfriend to her mom because she seduced them, so imagine the lasting mark it left on me when it happened three times! There's no doubt in my mind and heart that those experiences were foundational in creating an LB that I am not worthy of love because I learned that I simply don't have the sense to protect those precious relationships.

As I share these memories with you Dear Reader, I want you to know I am now at a place that my first reaction is for self-compassion and we'll talk a little bit more about that in a future chapter. Rest assured it takes effort to create that loving space for myself. It has been through my own efforts of self-awareness through therapy and self-led learning that provided reconnection to these former unhealed injuries which have now morphed into just tender bruises. They will always be with me because they are now part of me, but now I cradle them with care instead of poking at them over and over again to reinforce their invalidity.

Limiting beliefs are unavoidable but with effort, we can challenge them and dismantle each one of them. One way I continue to do so is to get really curious when I'm experiencing anger or fear or any kind of related emotion to those. When I get curious, I can likely better understand a little bit about why I might possibly be feeling that way and when I understand I can likely release it. A handy practice I use is the RAIN method by Tara Brach:

R = Recognize
A = Allow
I = Investigate
N = Nurture

First, you recognize what is happening by simply taking notice of it. Then allow it, except the feeling that is actually there and don't try to squash it. Step three is to investigate it by being curious with it using self-directed questions. The final step is to nurture yourself with compassion and love. This four-step process can be done in a matter of moments but the powerful effect is long-lasting.

When fear rears its ugly head, try using this approach to seek to understand it. It is likely during this investigative portion you may very well identify at least one LB that is underneath that fear. When I have experienced this I discovered it by not dismissing it but challenging its non-existent truth.

I now know that I was smart enough and worthy to go to college and I deserve to be loved. These are things I now say to myself in response to my own LBs along with a little self talk of ‘be gone, limiting beliefs, I am so over you!’. 

​Remember: You are always in the driver's seat.

DEFINITION - The ability to be aware of your own thoughts, emotions, behavior and values, and how they impact yourself and others.

This is a tricky one. We are not taught how to be fully self aware, let alone to pause to be aware of our thoughts and feelings at all, and often we are told the contrary because thinking about ourselves is often considered selfish. I so disagree and as do many others.

As Plato once said, “The beginning is the most important part of the work”. We must start with ourselves because that is our true beginning, isn't it?

I know how challenging this is. I spent years avoiding any attempts to better understand who I was in the world in order to protect myself from actually looking at, and feeling, long buried pain, grief, and fear. But I found the courage along my own journey to look at these things with curiosity and compassion. This courage came from therapy and self-led learning through reading books and listening to podcasts.

Like many of us, I lived through some childhood trauma. In my case, my mother struggled with undiagnosed mental illness and I suspect, sexual abuse from her childhood. She was not equipped to practice healthy parenting and we kids suffered those consequences. I won't spend a lot of time delving into all the harm I experienced growing up, but I will likely share some experiences as they speak to the topics I will be writing about when it makes sense to do so.

Not looking at those experiences and then starting the process of understanding things kept me at a fork in the road, stuck, for many years. In my childhood, I didn't know this of course, I just wanted to be safe. But as I lived more years and discovered how I was in the world based on what felt important to me and how others perceived me, it became more and more the norm to learn how to be self-aware. Honestly, we can't live in our own bubble by ourselves for very long for obvious reasons. It is up to us to grasp the necessity, power, and beauty of understanding who we are in the world with a look at the inside and also how the outside world contributes to shaping us.

I highly recommend that if this is a brand new thing for you to look on the inside and you discover some really tender spots due to trauma, please work with a therapist because that support can provide the initial guardrails that you will need to start your journey. If you've arrived at a point using skills to help you with self-reflection, working with a coach would be a fantastic way to lean into it a bit more. I will also share some tips and resources at the end of each chapter that may also prove useful to start your engine of self-awareness.

Personally, I found the tool of writing daily morning pages to be life-changing. This is something that Julia Cameron, author of The Artist Way, created and I've been practicing it for several decades. If I happen to miss a day due to traveling or a full schedule, I definitely feel the loss. Do check out her book, but at minimum, Google the topic and I'm guessing you will find a plethora of explanations about how to do it.
It is in my daily writing that I can put my thoughts to paper, and look for a potential understanding of what may be underneath it. It's also a space to remind myself of my inherent worth that I sometimes forget on the tough days.

My intention is to be as fully self aware as I can be because, (1) it helps me live my best life experiences based on what feeds my spirit, not what displeases it and (2), to understand what I can put out into the world as it might help someone else to understand something they have experienced. I don't kid myself into thinking that it is my job to fix things for anyone else, only to be the best version of myself in these experiences. So here's the power that lies in this first step: by knowing yourself, you, too, can lean into joy, learning, connection, and to stop solving problems that simply do not belong to you. A good reminder:  we are only in charge of ourselves at the end of the day. Personal accountability and responsibility inform how we show up in this wacky world and that always starts with looking inside. Start at the beginning.

Personally, I have seen how my own missteps have caused harm due to a lack of self awareness around my mindset or emotional state. In comparison, when I do check in with myself by taking my emotional temperature, frequently, the experience proves to be much more invigorating in some way. The other side of that coin is what is long buried such as my dreams. By looking inward, I have found I could start excavating in order to reconnect with them. This is my favorite thing when it comes to this personal work!
For example, when I became a parent, so much of my identity was unraveled, some of which were very healthy to release. I was a smoker, for example, for many years, and it was deeply embedded in how some of my socializing took place. I wasn't in a stable relationship at the time, so the jarring unpredictability and lack of emotional safety were also contributors to it. Of course, tossing in all of the biological and hormonal chaos were also contributors of feeling uncertain and off balance. I recall days of feeling grief that I had lost chunks of myself in this new role or identity. I had no energy to look inside at things - that simply had to wait.

It was during an emotionally crushing time a few years later when I had to face the demons and the Scaries. Although at times I felt terrified to do so, it was through those experiences I was reacquainted with “me” once again, but a new version. It was due to that cracking of my existence that I was forced to figure things out and once that started, there was no going back.

It was because of that major life experience, I learned how to ask myself good questions by reading a whole mess of books like Broken Open by Elizabeth lesser. She is a profound thought leader whose wisdom in assembling others' stories with her own lived experiences shouted  words of encouragement for me to look at my own cracks in my skin of identity.

I've mentioned several ways that you can start this process but what I will stress as truly very important is to make sure you have what you need to feel safe and also know that this hard work will pay off.

This, dear reader, is the start of your epic road trip of your life and collecting some foundational understanding about who you are will fuel your sense of purpose and adventure. So take the first step by honoring yourself by knowing thyself. 
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RESOURCE LINKS

https://juliacameronlive.com/the-artists-way/

https://bookshop.org/p/books/broken-open-how-difficult-times-can-help-us-grow-elizabeth-lesser/8538810?ean=9780375759918

Location: Boston, Massachusetts
Date: November 2022

After a particularly long travel day and late arrival time, I opted to spend the night in Boston before heading home after a big trip. I recall a perfect sunny day a few hours before a friend was scheduled to pick me up, so I took a walk near the hotel and came across this architectural marvel, the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. 

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