The topic of confidence has been front of mind for me for quite awhile now. And, although some folks have remarked about how confident I appear in the world, I still struggle with it.
I finished reading The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman and was reminded that confidence is more of a verb and not so much an adjective. When they spoke to that in their book, I paused to give that some thought in context of my lived experiences to realize that it has been very much the case for me. The more risks I took, the more confident I felt! Of course, the lessons aren't always invigoratingly positive 😂 but, in hindsight, well worth it in the short (and long) run. I look at it this way: all the little steps I took as chances have led me to some amazing experiences: owning my own business; becoming a professional actor in my later years; and, using my voice to advocate for myself and others in tough situations. As with many life lessons, they are lifelong lessons, not quite a one and done. I suppose that keeps things interesting, right? 💯
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I finally did it: I set up a chair by the lower damn in Green Lane Park. All I can hear is the water for the most part and all I see is green.
The space holds many memories, many of which are fond ones with my late mom when we would cone here in the summer to swim. Every once in awhile, I enjoyed some french fries with a side of ice cream sandwich from the snack bar. I also have a vague memory of being here with my late father and two brothers, one of which is no longer with us. It was a cold day, I believe. Oh! Now I hear the chorus of the cicadas and sing song of a bird. How refreshing this moment of Shinrin Yoku is even as I feel the heavy humidity fall through the cracks of the tree canopy above me. I sit here alone soaking in the solitude. All feels right in the world although all of us know that isn't the case. These visits of 'coming home' stir up a whole mess of feelings in me. When I lived here, my mom, my brother, and my sister were alive. And, although we were far from a close-knit family, family we were. Right now, I breathe in the faint river smell and think. Right now, it is just me, the birds, the trees, and the water. I wonder how many stories have been absorbed by the dirt? I hope most are echoes of laughter and only happy tears. So Reader, when was the last time you sat by the water in the woods? When you sat on a big as a house rock and counted how many different sounds you could hear? Spotted a vibrant yellow and black Goldfinch searching for the perfect spot for today's bath? We live in a hectic world and live busy lives but moments like this help with slowing down to rest our weary brains and bodies. As a known 'don't stop until you drop' gal, rest assured that I do make a point of just being so this broad can be ready for the next adventure. Enjoy your day. "Our chronological age does not define us."
For all of my 2nd Act broads out there, check out this fantastic video by Helen Spence. This is a 75 year young broad challenging external and internalized gender ageism, big time. As Helen points out, we learn that aging is 'bad' from childhood in many different ways and the anti-aging industry is a billion dollar one reinforcing it. I'll fess up: I use lotion to reduce wrinkles and yet when someone comments on how good I look for my age, I bristle. I suppose I have to do some work there. 😆 I love that she reinvented herself at 65 years and launched a social venture to challenge that status quo. Some things to consider: as we age, our judgement improves; our perspectives broaden; our brains work better; we become more empathetic. And, I just love this, our productivity nor our creativity never expires. I can't wait to experience the U Curve of Happiness she mentions and by embracing an optimistic mindset about aging can add 7 years to your life! "Aging isn't a countdown, it is a count up." 💯 Watch it here: https://bit.ly/HelenSpence Day 1 on the set of Dead Air. I lolly-gagged my way to the location and took in the GORGEOUS scenery on my hour drive.
I applaud my costars, Teneshia and David who were amazing in the heat of the sun. The crew was AMAZE BALLS with their fierce dedication to bringing Myles' creative vision to life. I truly am honored to be a part of this project. Tomorrow morning is my final day. I thought I was to be here for yet another night, but I will be released from set a day early. Boo hoo. That's the downside of these experiences for me. I grow quite attached to the collective energy and make some new friends, too. I never want to leave! When a few of us returned to the 'chalet' cabin, I headed down to the lake to stick my tootsies in the warm water and a school of little fish ranging from 2 inches to 4 inches long came over to see what I was up to. I played with them for about a half an hour as a few brave fishes would get just close enough for me to touch their tale. I then sat on the water's edge to sit in the warm sun and feel the cool breeze on my face. What a delightful experience! What a wonderful day! I decided to divvy up my 6+ hour drive to Montreal with an overnight stay and randomly picked a midway point. It was a lovely drive to Claremont, NH for the night. The Claremont Motel, which is just outside of town is comfortable even though not much to look at. I ventured into town to go exploring (I mean, I am the adventure broad, right?) and I discovered a sweet place!
Technically, it is a city and some research revealed: * There is a significant prehistoric Native American site with occupational evidence back to 1300 CE. * The Union Episcopal Church in West Claremont is the oldest remaining Episcopal church building in New Hampshire. * It is the home of many mills back in the day and there is even an opera house! On my search for dinner, I found Crowbar Hardware Store, a speakeasy opened in 2022 and I am so glad I decided to take a peek. You have to know where to find the secret doorbell in order to get access (thanks to a Yelp review that revealed that nifty info). I enjoyed a delicious dinner and the perfect Manhattan. On my way back to the motel, I spotted a park and went to see the river in spite of the rain. It was a good day! The face I make when I turn my pervasive catastrophizing on its head. I think I made up that term by combining each I came across on my lifelong quest to learn, learn, learn about how I am in the world.
I know I am one adventurous broad and all that, but I am also dealing with my personal #*@* too. It is a bit of a dance of giving that crap some space to air out and not giving it too much oxygen to grow. I was also reminded of another way to look at it and this is now my mantra: Is it true? Is it real? Um, 99.99% of the time, the freak out mind#*@& is not. So, there you go. The best laid plans...and all that.
I was very excited to use my annual state beach pass for the first time this season but, alas, the weather had other plans for me. Side note: if I was in Oregon, the raincoat would be on for a stroll in the 'liquid sunshine' 😀 So, knowing I would not be playing in the surf today, I came up with Plan B: a cleared schedule for the day. Isn't that the most fantastic moment when you realize you have a wide open day to do WHATEVER?!? It is for me as a multi-passionate person who has a wee bit of a tendency to, um, over-schedule herself at times. Anyway, I started off this rainy, summer Sunday with a stroll around my neighborhood in the West End and admired the flowers. One of my favorite things is to walk in the rain. This is kind a meta moment for a metaphor for life, isn't it? 😀 I finally made to the dumpling place in Brookline and just had a lovely exchange with the fellow who took my order. He said, "You have the best energy. I wish every customer was like you." I gushed with appreciation and shared that his kind words meant the world to me as I was having a few 'people problems' of late.
What I didn't share was one of those issues was related to releasing a friendship after I felt my boundaries were breached. I won't go into details here but I will share that I was shocked by a text message that came to me out of the blue. I requested some space and the person ignored it further crossing the line with astonishing comments. I am heartbroken and with no doubts, forgave them and told them to never contact me again. It has taken me decades to use my voice and I ain't backing down by not advocating for myself. Communication between us perfectly imperfect humans can get a little dicey at times. We do our best and sometimes you just have to say goodbye. I will take it! Gorgeous summer like weather and a stroll around the neighborhood finds me in front of my dream house. The creatures were also celebrating the good fortune of warm weather with a lone turkey wandering around and a wee little moth basking in the sun. I am worried about that damn bird though. I didn't think turkeys were solitary creatures - where were his people?!?!?!?
I made a promise to myself to work on my social media series for The Dames of Rhode Island while I am here and I headed to the library just around the corner for my first day of my 'artist in residence' time. 😆 I went in with a plan to just create the overview for each of the six episodes and I did it!!!! To celebrate: a delicious salmon dinner with asparagus and a glass of really good wine. After din din, a zoom rehearsal for a film I am doing later this month with a student director from Emerson. I have a supporting role in a very moving story (more to come!). I don't spend a lot of time lamenting about 'what ifs' but golly, if I coulda, I woulda gone to film school! Wrapping up this Really Good Day wearing my new, pretty pajamas, memorizing my lines, and reading a book I picked up in one of those little libray kiosks I came across on one of my walks. The title: Tomorrow There Will Be Apricots by Jessica Soffer. A good day. I am a temporary Bostonian for the next month and I am excited about the adventures I will have while I am here.
Technically, I am in Brookline but close enough, right? I have hung out with Colby the Cat a few times and I have *finally* been accepted as one of 'his'. 🤣 It will be great fun to really lean into living here for the time being. Thrilled that tomorrow's acting class with the Boston Casting folks is only 15 minutes away instead of the 1 hour 15 minute commute I have been doing up to this point. 😀 This Sunday is Mother's Day and I have taken to celebrating it in my own way since the Darling Daughter hasn't been close by for several years now. I sure wish she was here..... Life sure is interesting, isn't it? Thank goodness the wisdom tooth drama is over and done with (!). There have been a few changes relating to my film project, The Dames of Rhode Island, but I have some amazing women lined up to help me bring that story to life. I popped into the library to scope out possible work spaces since next week I start my self-designed artist in residence program there as I work on my screenplay. 😉 Speaking of which, I found a program in Northern Italy that I am going to apply to once I have my script prepared for the series version. You never know until you know, right? As I was walking out in the sunshine today, I felt elated. There are plenty of moments to feel the burden of living and when I am experiencing a moment of lightness, I have learned that pausing to acknowledge it fills my heart with so much joy. Life is all about adventure for this broad. Sometimes it kinda sucks but sometimes, like today, I feel like the luckiest girl alive. |
AuthorLet's create a BIG life one small adventure at a time! Here are a few of my experiences - perhaps you may find a little nugget or two that inspires you to take your own baby step to living your dreams! Archives
July 2024
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